i don't wanna wait for our lives to be over

AVP I made for the launch. =D

Sam is my 3-month old puppy. She recently lost her sister, Fatty, to what I believe was parvo virus. Now, she's also fighting for her life.

Today, I was contacted by the vet, Doc Lala, that little Sammy actually has, aside from parvo virus, canine distemper. Canine distemper is an often fatal virus that attacks the nervous system in its latter stage causing seizures, paralysis, blindness, etc., and it is likely that little Sammy will show these symptoms in the future. There are no cures as of yet for distemper, only supportive treatment for complications brought about by the disease.

Doc Lala gave me three possible options -- take Sam home and risk infecting the other dogs while we try to treat her for months, let her stay in the clinic and the vet bills stack up, or put her down.

Initially, I had grimly thought of putting her down. I didn't want to see Sam suffer, and I didn't want to suffer as well if and when I witness her deteriorate day by day. But then, nobody wanted to put her down. Not the vet, not my friends, not my family. And I'm sure Fatty wouldn't want her sister to be put down as well. Besides, I promised myself that I would take care of Sam for little Fatty.

So there, after being depressed all day, I'm finally seeing a ray of hope. Thanks in part to this video of Jack, a canine distemper survivor: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q1z9KIMLt6k :)

Now, I need all the support I can get. I am taking Sam home tomorrow to begin her cause. She needs to be away from the other dogs until they can get immunized so she'll be staying in my brother's spare room (he sleeps on the couch. hehe). We need diapers, meds, dog food, funds, and lots of love and support.

This will be a good fight!

...i can't sing, can't dance, can't play any musical instrument whatsoever. i'm pretty good with a computer keyboard though. i can type without looking!! lol.

...i sit in front of the pc all day, reading forums, blogs, and whatnot but never joining in on the conversation.

...when i do join in on the conversation, i edit my reply 10x to make sure that there are no spelling and grammatical errors, and that no one can refute me.

...i am socially awkward. i don't go to parties or bars, and i suck at striking a conversation.

...i have four dogs and a cat that i always pet.

...i watch discovery channel, travel and living, animal planet, and history channel with utter awe and glee.

...my wardrobe consists of t-shirts, button-up shirts, and jeans. i have not shopped in ages and new clothes are always from my mom.

...when i find a gadget that i like, i stare at it all day.

...i get reaaally excited with shiny, new, and well-designed gadgets and cars.

...in the barely two months that i've been a licensed driver, i've damaged my car three times.

...i can't park backwards.

...when i smile while wearing sunglasses, my shades rise up cause of my cheeks.

...i check my multiply, plurk, and facebook every two hours.

...i like to put smilies and emoticons in my replies and posts. lolz. rotfl. ;p

...before bohol, i've never flown on a plane, nor experienced blue waters and white sand, nor worn a bikini top. ever. (always worn t-shirts and shorts for swimming. i lol.)

...i like artsy stuff, but can't critique it for the life of me. i just say if i find it nice or not.

...i am prone to eye-gasms.

...i don't have a bountiful of friends, but the ones i do have are definitely keepers. :)

...i like writing about stuff that happen in my life, and wait anxiously for comments. lol.

And that's just the tip of the iceberg. I've just realized yesterday, that I am indeed a geek/nerd/dork. Feel free to delete me from your social network! =P J/K. I've come to terms with my geek-ness, and I'm cool with being uncool. ;)

I AM A GEEK Y'ALL! =D

"Thinking is not an automatic function. In any hour and issue of his life, man is free to think or to evade that effort. Thinking requires a state of full, focused awareness. The act of focusing one's consciousness is volitional. Man can focus his mind to a full, active, purposefully directed awareness of reality—or he can unfocus it and let himself drift in a semiconscious daze, merely reacting to any chance stimulus of the immediate moment, at the mercy of his undirected sensory-perceptual mechanism and of any random, associational connections it might happen to make." - Ayn Rand

I like thinking. You might even say, I think too much; about the littlest and simplest things, and making them seem big and complicated, and then finally breaking them down to make them simple again. It's quite an effort really, probably more than most people are comfortable with, to deal with matters such as life, death, ethics, morals, love, hope, while not just blindly following someone else's definition of these things, but coming up with enlightenment of your own. It's a wonderful feeling.

This morning on my way to Katipunan, my car was hit by a silver Honda CRV (plate number WNJ-443). I was coming from Industria road, making a right to C5-Libis when out of nowhere the CRV hit the front end of my car, taking out the bumper.The driver immediately accused that I was at fault and that he had the right of way. Ayun nga pinilit niya yung right of way niya at binangga ang kotse ko. I pointed out that I wasn't the one who struck him, and he's not the one with the wrecked bumper. Right of way... That's a fine logic you have there, dumb fuck.

Anyway, this is my first car accident, so I was clueless on what to do. I knew I was supposed to call the police, but then the guard at Honda Libis, where we were parked, said there were tanods coming over. So I waited while trying to frantically call my dad. The driver's master, an old lady passenger insisted that she would just be going to St. Pio Chapel just beside Honda, and will come back. She seemed nice enough, so I said ok.

The driver stayed a while, but then said he would just follow his master. He left me his cell number (0929-4504836)... And they never came back.

I tried calling. No answer. So I went to the chapel looking for the CRV, but the guard there said that they already left. This is when I realized na naisahan ako. Of course, it was quite idiotic on my part to place my trust on a fat, slimy bastard and an old hag. I should've asked for their licenses but I was too out of it to even think of that.

So there. No police came, no tanods, no MMDAs. I was left in the parking lot with a wrecked car and a bruised ego. Meh.

I admit that I should've been a more defensive driver, so I probably could take some of the blame, but jeez... To wreck someone's car and run away! What a slimy bastard! I hope karma bites him in the ass! And his master... Nako! Sabi pa naman nung guard na palaging nagsisimba yun sa Pio Chapel. Psh. I hope your conscience bothers and eats you 'til the day you die.

If anyone here goes to mass there and happens to come upon the hag and the ogre, please, please hex them for me.

*sigh* Well, lesson learned is never trust strangers, and be a defensive driver. Kahit na hindi ikaw may kasalanan pareho parin kayong naperwisyo, at baka takbuhan ka pa, so be resilient. Dapat kumuha ka ng panghahawakan, like a license. Kala ko sapat na yung license plate at pics. Aba'y hindi. Hindi sila natakot na tumakbo. Mga lintek.

I hope this post gets somewhere like say, those pricks' respective families and friends. Yes, I am posting this to air my anger and to let you know that the people you love are a bunch of cowardly monkeys.

If anyone can help my cause to bring down these bitches, please do contact me or repost this everywhere. Thanks and I would really appreciate it.

Yes! This is my 15 minutes of fame! Lol. I'll be on Kapuso Mo, Jessica Soho this Saturday 8:30 PM. They're doing a segment on talented kids, and they're featuring the Single Gaydies! Yes, that group I made famous by uploading their video to Youtube. I was informed that those kids actually went to GMA-7 to redo their dance with matching heels and black spandex tights. Pretty cool, huh? I should be their manager or something. Heh. Seriously though, I'm happy that they're getting attention. I hope this'll be the start of something big. :)

I was supposed to get my driver's license yesterday. I had been putting it off for more than a year now because I had dreaded dealing with government agencies. I had heard and read a great deal of hell stories about their incompetency and inefficiency, and let me tell you now, they are all true.

Where in the world do you find a "drug testing center" which conjures up results in less than 10 minutes with only 1/4 a bottle of urine and then get charged P300 for it??

Where in the world does "medical exam" mean getting asked your height and whether or not you wear glasses? I said no to the latter question. The "doctor" simply wrote 20/20 for my vision without even checking it, and was deemed fit to drive.

Add to that are the amazingly unhelpful employees. Jusko. Kung pwde ko lang itapon ang ihi ko sa kanila eh! Man. There was this chubby girl who seemed to have woken up on the wrong side of the bed--bitchy as hell, I tell you. I wanted to tell her off, but alas my "drug test" might suddenly reflect positive results.

Anyway, after getting my results, I was then told to proceed to the make shift customer service counter. Upon checking my forms, the man in charge told me that I had to get a TIN from the BIR. I'm like, "Estudyante po ako. Hindi pa ako nagttrabaho." The guy simply said, "Kuha kang non-paying TIN sa BIR. Meron diyan sa may West Ave." Jusko. Gumising ako ng pagka aga-aga para lang umihi sa bote at tumayo sa timbangan?! Wala namang hinihinging TIN nuon di ba?!

I simply said to myself that I would need a TIN in the future anyway, so might as well get it over and done with (yeah right. like I want to give a portion of my salary to this shitty government). Off we went to BIR Mandaluyong. I had assumed one can go to any BIR since the guy at the LTO said I should try BIR Quezon City. Well, no. When I got there some guy asked me for my barangay clearance, which when I said that I did not have, he said that I should go get my TIN at BIR Pasig and secure a barangay clearance first.

Take note, that we braved the EDSA traffic to go to their hellhole of an office. By now, I am cussing and swearing like a gangster rapper. I just need a goddamned TIN for my goddamned license! All that fucking red tape isn't even there to make sure that drivers they give licenses to are qualified ones. Noooo... It's simply there to make life a living hell. I went home defeated. I knew this was coming. I KNEW IT. Kaya ang daming fixers eh kasi hindi mo rin masisisi ang mga tao kung ayaw nilang maka-encounter ng ganun klaseng kagaguhan.

I've searched the BIR website, and NO WHERE does it say that one has to get a barangay clearance to get a TIN. You just need your goddamned birth certificate! I don't know what or who to believe anymore. These agencies are a fucking joke. But to make sure, I looked up the requirements for getting a barangay clearance and lo! I need another requirement, a cedula, that probably needs some other government issued requirement which probably needs another requirement. Punyeta. No wonder we're going to the dogs.

Yeah, that video of the performance of the gay kids from Pook Libis that I posted on Youtube has been all over the net. JustJared.com, PerezHilton.com, RyanSeacrest.com, and other blog sites have re-posted it on their pages. Comments have been mixed. A lot of people say that their dance is sexually provocative and is borderline pornography (WTF?!), and that they're too young to know that they're gay (DUH), while others say that it's just a bunch of kids having fun.

I agree with the latter.

IT IS a video of a bunch of kids having fun dancing. Nothing more. Some people are just too jaded to assert that the video is sexual. It's dancing. Jeez. You know, if you see to much garbage, it does affect your thinking. It is not these kids' fault that there are pervs and pedophiles all over the internet. Pervs will find even the most innocent of things stimulating, because THEY ARE PERVS. Not our fault.

And some people have been criticizing the title. Single Gaydies is a pun, in case no one noticed. The kids are obviously gay, no matter how young they are, so why call them anything else? There's NOTHING wrong with being gay.

Anyway, the first video accumulated 50K hits and 300+ comments, before being taken down. When I re-posted it, it was again taken down within hours. I posted another video--Gay Kiddies pt. 2. It accumulated 20K+ hits the last I checked yesterday evening, but when I opened my Youtube account today, I was greeted with a big red banner saying that my account has been disabled and the video has been taken down... Again.

Well, I just have to say to the haters out there: stop hating what you don't understand and open your damn mind. Go watch MILK and learn a little bit about intolerance.

Links:
http://perezhilton.com/2009-03-09-you-must-53#respond
http://justjared.buzznet.com/2009/03/09/filipino-boys-beyonce-single-ladies/all-comments/#comments

I've always said that we give too much to those who don't deserve it. Take for example the urban poor communities that we are forced to organize outreach activities for in our Devcomm and Theology classes. I think what my holierthanthou alma mater is trying do is to make us experience what it's like to live in such conditions, so we'll realize that we're ohsoblessed, and so we have to share our blessings.

Bullshit.

If it's supposed to make me feel sorry for the urban poor, well, it backfired. I've come to realize that all too often the people in these adopted communities are spoiled; relying too much on giveaways that they have come to expect from people like us. Take for example the story Kath told me yesterday. Her group donated a brand new 21-inch TV to the community of Marytown, because their 2nd hand 29-inch TV got busted. Some person in their community had the gall to say, "Ang liit naman." WTF!

So to whoever said that "whatever you have in excess, it belongs to the poor", uhm, just no. People work for what they have. Social injustice be damned. It's the middle class who experiences this the most. The government uses taxes they get from honest, hardworking people to fund projects for these squatters who steal land and use their "poorness" as an excuse. Heck, we even pay for their electricity through the systems loss of Meralco! Even Miriam College wastes my tuition fee on Devcomm and Theo subjects that force us to fund projects for them. If that ain't injustice, I don't know what is.

I used to feel sorry for these people whenever I see them on TV or on the streets, but now, having experienced what it's like on the inside, I'm not so sure I should anymore. Of course, I am not entirely cold-hearted that I do not weep at the sight of a starving and malnourished child, but that's a different story.

These urban poor that I'm talking about are the type who play basketball all day, sit around and watch game shows, drive their PUVs like bats out of hell, vote for celebrities, and reproduce like bunnies. They don't seem very miserable in their poverty. In fact, they seem like a happy brood. They have videoke machines for crying out loud. So I feel that it really doesn't matter much if you help them or not. They're quite content with their lives, so why do we have to barge in and try and change that? If there are people who truly want change, then let them show how much they really want it. I think that if you're stuck in the same place for a such a long time, then you probably aren't doing enough or are just plain too lazy to get yourself out of there.

Well, anyway, I am merely stating my observations. I don't think all of them are ill-mannered and ungrateful; they're all normal people like you and me; flawed, prideful, and have yet to prove they are worthy of respect. They just happen to live a different lifestyle is all, so I fail to see why they warrant our help just because of that.

Yes, I am aware that we have to alleviate their poverty because it does affect the country as a whole, but my proposal to that is education and birth control. Less mouths to feed, less brains to send to school, more funds for other things. Simple math, yes? Other than that, there are more deserving people out there in need of immediate help

"That's here. That's home. That's us. On it, everyone you ever heard of, every human being who ever lived, lived out their lives. The aggregate of all our joys and sufferings, thousands of confident religions, ideologies and economic doctrines, every hunter and forager, every hero and coward, every creator and destroyer of civilizations, every king and peasant, every young couple in love, every hopeful child, every mother and father, every inventor and explorer, every teacher of morals, every corrupt politician, every superstar, every supreme leader, every saint and sinner in the history of our species, lived there on a mote of dust, suspended in a sunbeam.

The earth is a very small stage in a vast cosmic arena. Think of the rivers of blood spilled by all those generals and emperors so that in glory and in triumph they could become the momentary masters of a fraction of a dot. Think of the endless cruelties visited by the inhabitants of one corner of the dot on scarcely distinguishable inhabitants of some other corner of the dot. How frequent their misunderstandings, how eager they are to kill one another, how fervent their hatreds. Our posturings, our imagined self-importance, the delusion that we have some privileged position in the universe, are challenged by this point of pale light. Our planet is a lonely speck in the great enveloping cosmic dark. In our obscurity -- in all this vastness -- there is no hint that help will come from elsewhere to save us from ourselves. It is up to us.

It's been said that astronomy is a humbling, and I might add, a character-building experience. To my mind, there is perhaps no better demonstration of the folly of human conceits than this distant image of our tiny world. To me, it underscores our responsibility to deal more kindly and compassionately with one another and to preserve and cherish that pale blue dot, the only home we've ever known." ~ Carl Sagan, Astronomer

I have been an agnostic Christian for the past few years now, and it is only recently that I found the faith (or is it fear?) to follow the Bible again... only to once more doubt it.

If I continued to believe in the God of the Bible, then I must believe in all that is said in it. But for the life of me, I cannot seem to reconcile the concept of eternal damnation and predestination with a loving and just God. Christians, please don't give me that reply that since we are all sinners then we ALL deserve hell, therefore we must praise God that He decided to save some. Please. I would rather that I did not exist at all. I cannot accept the notion that my loved ones who have not been converted (because God did not choose them) will be sentenced to fire and brimstone forever and ever. It brings me great distress to think about it.

I believe that being a devout Christian does make me a nicer person, but it takes the joy out of living. Is faith really supposed to be rooted in fear? The constant guilt that follows you wherever you go, the fear of death and damnation is enough for anyone to experience a long Dark Night of the Soul.

For the past few days I've been waking up with gloom and doom in my mind. Today, though, I feel different. I've been reading testimonials on exchristian.net, and finding that there is a possibility that the Biblegod does not exist and that it's okay that he doesn't has brought me... relief.

Sure, there are many truths in the Bible, but there are also many truths in other philosophical writings. I am not closing my doors to Christianity, I am merely opening new ones, and asking questions I have been so afraid to ask.

Is there really a God, or is mankind too scared of the truth that life has no purpose other than to survive, that it holds on to the illusion of greater things? Are we all just a bunch of atoms walking on the face of the planet for a mere moment in the vastness of time and space?

If that is so then I, for one, am greatly humbled by that thesis. To know that this is the only chance I've got, to know that tomorrow I could cease to exist, is a both a gift and a curse. We are all both dying and living at the same time, but to realize and accept one's mortality puts everything in perspective. It makes you hold life with trembling hands; with great respect and wonder.

No, I don't think that losing our religion will cause chaos, in fact, I believe that goodness, beauty, and harmony is what mankind will always strive for. I believe that helping our fellow men achieve and experience a full life is the path to utopia, because in so doing, we bring harmony and balance to the world. And the moment that we as a species do good even without laws or religion, then we have really evolved.

Yowza! It's all very confusing, but finding the courage to ponder on like this is liberating... And it feels good. Yeah. It feels real good. :)

It's the last semester of the last year, and graduation is looming just over the horizon. In a few months time we will be thrust into the real world where we have to look out for ourselves and become grown-ups looking for jobs, starting businesses, and meeting a whole host of new people. For some, it has already happened to them, but for people like myself, who have not truly seen or felt what it's really like out there, it's both thrilling and scary when the day comes when we must trade our lunch breaks for business meetings, and our quizzes and exams for workloads.

But I cannot wait for that day to come. I cannot wait to grow up and stop being a kid. I want to be responsible. I want to be independent. I want to have goals, and I want to be pushed into pursuing my dreams.

And I have a lot of dreams. Dreams that would be impossible to reach with my current state of mind. But I am hopeful that when I graduate, everything will change. :)

For now though, I am a BUM. A lazy-ass bum. But a dreaming lazy-ass bum at that. I feel the need to write down some of my dreams now, in case they get lost in the blur of fantasies and none sense storming through my mind everyday. Hehe...

I first heard of the film Once, while watching the Oscars. Their original soundtrack, 'Falling Slowly' won best song. Second time I read about it was a couple of months ago, Cor posted something on her blog recommending the soundtrack and the movie. So with nothing to do on a Wednesday night, I decided to download a copy, and watch it for "f*ck's sake"

I have to say, it's nicest film I've seen in long while.

The film is a musical about an Irish guy and a Czech girl who find each other on the streets of Dublin (I love ze Irish). It's not just a musical where in people suddenly break into song, rather the songs are realistically integrated in the film as both leads are musicians in their own right.

He's a street musician/vacuum cleaner repair guy, and she's an immigrant street vendor with a broken vacuum cleaner. They come together, make music, and become good friends. And such sweet, sweet music they make. Rarely do you find yourself immersed in each and every soundtrack of a film, and immediately like it.

The story itself is a breath of fresh air. It's unpretentious and moving, and free from tired, old cliches. I'd recommend it to anyone who wants to be inspired. :) I loves it.

Wikipedia describes it as "the psychological panic and discomfort experienced when a human confronts questions of existence."

And I am experiencing it. Right now. From the outside I seem perfectly normal, but my insides are screaming. I haven't had a crisis like this since I was in high school. Thoughts going mad in my head. 'What's outside the universe? What will we do in eternity if there is one? If all I did in eternity was to travel through the universe will I reach the end of it?'

These questions make me wanna throw up. Mind-boggling. Maddening. And the weather isn't helping. It makes me feel awfully lonely. I hate the gloomy weather. I wanna see the sun. And I'm thinking I don't wanna die, because the next moment I wake up I will be standing before eternity... Or I will be nothing once more.


***

Ooohhh... That was a crazy post. Heh.

(Today was our shoot for our short-film..)

1. Call time was 7am, I arrived at the meeting place at 630, and we left at 730. I don't like waiting.
2. Our supposed setting was a dorm room with three beds, the location we got was a tinny room with a double deck bed and a mattress.
3. We had to rent lights from Helen, and we had to get it from her house. But alas, there was no transpo so we had to commute from Antipolo to Cubao. It wasn't bad, but we did a helluva lot of walking under the scorching sun.
4. The location was an 'abandoned' townhouse. It was hot. It was small. It was dusty. It was fucking humid. It had a broken airconditioner, two desk fans with one that doesn't even go up to the 3rd speed.
5. It rained. Hard. The tinny townhouse and its neighbors got flooded with knee-deep waters. Fun.
6. After dropping off the lights in Cubao, I finally got on the jeep home. Yay!... not. Ortigas ave. extension was HELL. I was stuck in traffic for 2 fucking hours.
7. And to top it all off, I had to walk in the rain from the gate of our village all the way home as there were no pedicabs around. I couldn't even txt my brother to come get me since I ran out of batteries.

This day has 1 hour left. Make this day worse than it already is.